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Where’d Her Self Esteem Go? + How to Get it Back (Part 3)

Today’s article is the final installment of a 3-part guest post by Karen Schachter of Dishing with your Daughter. Karen’s mission is to help moms and their daughters to value & nourish themselves, to love their bodies, and to trust their intuition — so, of course, you can see why I’ve been a huge fan of her work since the moment I discovered her. 🙂

In Parts 1, 2, and 3 of this article, you will discover how and when most young girls begin to lose their self-confidence, AND over 15 ways you as a mom (or other positive role model) can help them to recover their high self-esteem.

And PSSSST, here’s a secret! All of the tips Karen shares can be used to boost *your* self-esteem, too! Pick a couple to try, and let me know how it works for you in the comments below!

Where’d Her Self-Esteem Go? (+ 17 Ways to Save It or Get It Back)

by Karen Schachter

Photo by BrothertonI’ve created a list of 17 ideas for you to incorporate into your daughter’s life to help maintain – or build – a healthy self-esteem. These go way deeper than telling her she’s beautiful or smart, or reassuring her when she feels like no one likes her. But they are also not a magic pill…like anything worth doing, supporting and building your daughter’s self-esteem is an ongoing job.

If you haven’t read the first 2 parts of this article, please start by clicking here.

Here are the final 5 ideas from my list.
See if you can incorporate at least 1 of them in your life today!

13. Help her “use her words” to express her feelings – especially anger (too often girls learn to internalize anger; an angry woman or girl is often called names…). It’s ok to feel anger and find appropriate ways to express it.

14. Help her resolve interpersonal conflicts, rather than avoid them or give in to be compliant.

15. Don’t always jump in and fix issues or stuff for her. Help her fix it for herself and develop confidence in her competence as well as her ability to handle disappointment. Too much “help” ( in the service of not wanting to see our kids struggle) can interfere with growth.

16. Make sure your own self-esteem is not wrapped up with your daughter’s outward success or appearance. She is not an extension of you, and she must know that you are taking care of your own self-esteem, not relying on her to “manage” it. Of course, you want your daughter to succeed, but just as her self-esteem must come from inside, so must yours.

17. And along those lines, the best thing you can do to raise a confident girl is to continue to work on being a confident woman: a woman who loves herself despite her “imperfections;” who values her needs and treats herself kindly; who expresses her feelings & speaks her mind; who feels fear and does it anyway; and who recognizes her true value and worth.

This is a journey we are all walking together! Let’s ensure that self-esteem does not peak at age 9 for our own daughters, and for girls and women everywhere! The world needs us!

Karen SchachterKaren Schachter believes that each of us deserve to feel nourished, joyful and at peace with food and in our lives. She helps women and girls – with a specific focus on supporting moms so they can support themselves and their daughters – to value themselves, tune into their intuition, and nourish their bodies, their minds and their spirits. Karen works from a “psychology of eating” perspective and combines her understanding of emotional issues with her nutrition knowledge to help clients make real, long-lasting changes in their lives.

Karen Schachter’s Dishing With Your Daughter is written by Karen Schachter. Please note that the information contained here is not intended as medical or psychological advice. Please consult a licensed professional before making any dietary changes. If you have an eating disorder, please seek help from a professional. If you have questions or comments about this article, you may submit them through a comment below, or send them to: